Naysayers …. Begone.

Well I am finally out of the house, and the move was god-fucking-awful.  We were let down by helpers left, right and centre.  But the house is empty and is being cleaned by my wonderful cleaner man.  I ran out of money before I left and I could not get to change my mailing.  I will need to get over there when I get back.

I purged about 80% of my life, donating a lot to friends too.

The last day in the house and G pulled such a dick move.  I was waiting for my helpers and I received an email from him telling me that the trailer wasn't my only option and that I could always come to his apartment.  I think the fact that he has kept me on the back burner and at more than arms length for our entire "relationship" means that the offer was pretty hollow.  He said it because he thought I wanted to hear it, and knowing that the chances of me taking him up on it were pretty slim.  It hurt, it cut very very deep.

Naysayers …. Begone.

So, homeless indeed.  This is it.  The deed is done, and the house has been given up.  A lot of the panic has now left and I am really looking forward to this now.  I have at least the next three stays planned.  I have been taking as much advice as possible about places to stay when I am travelling. 

I am still at work at the moment and it is another four days until I go home. Ha ha ha.  Saying home made me laugh.  Although the more people I talk to about this the more I realized that a lot more people than I expected do this sort of thing – and also how many people wish that this could be their life too.  That’s really quite blowing me away actually.

The first stop is going to be in the Turner Valley/Millarville part of Alberta.  This is a campground that is owned by the company that I work for.  It is free, and the setting is wonderful.  I can imagine days spent sitting by the river, sitting outside the trailer reading, and evenings and nights spent watching the stars.  This IS the life I want.  Calgary has been good to me, I won’t deny that.  It is the only place we have lived since moving to Canada.  But since the divorce, I have been pretty unlucky in finding what I need to make my soul sing. 

I have reached the end of my rope of living alone in Calgary.  If I am to live alone, then I will do so on the road and pack my life with adventure.  Every off shift will be a vacation.  To open my door and see a new view each time. 

Gah …. Just had the most awful night’s sleep (sleep is pretty important when up at work and working 12 hour shifts for 10 days straight).  I spent most of the night thinking about what could go wrong.  I thought about what would happen if my job transitioned back to Calgary, I thought about being able to afford to live and to live in Calgary if I have to move back … and that thought filled me with dread.  Of crossing the border and being stuck in bad weather before I got to where I wanted to go.  It made me think I should put this off for another year.  To stay with friends and try again in the spring. 

If I have positive feedback, I am all gung-ho and ready to do this.  If I have negative feedback, I just see failure ahead.  Note to self – only be around positive people. 

So here it is, another shift done.  It’s strange to think I am not going “home”.  Can’t wait to spend some time at my friend’s acreage in Caroline.  Get to play with the cows!!

(Location:  Wood Buffalo, AB - 57.386247, -111.067237)